In a World of Pain: Mishaps and Misadventures of a Clumsy Traveller…

{I would just like to put a little disclaimer here: mum, if you don’t want to have to worry about me any more than you do, I’d suggest you stop reading now.}

We are over halfway through our exciting round-the-world trip! And, boy, has it been exciting! But it has not been without its mishaps – admittedly almost all on my part. So this is what this little post is about. Me and my bloody clumsiness!

I’m going to go ahead and start with a list of the various conundrums that I have stumbled upon thus far, just for clarity. Sure, the locations are exciting and exotic, but the misadventures that accompany them have, unfortunately, been rather less exotic:

1. Sydney: as I’m sure most of you know by now, within one week, I sustained a fractured rib on a whale watching boat from Sydney Harbour – result = 5 hours in A&E and 8 weeks recovery (until I was back to full sky-diving ability)

2. The Great Barrier Reef: 2nd degree burns to my legs – in fairness, this was due to my own stupidity and lack of sun cream!

3. The Amazon Jungle: one bruised knee from falling into the Amazon River and one bruised bum from rolling down a hill in the jungle

4. Bolivia Salt Flats: this one I actually blacked out from the pain of! When all I did was fall down a gravel hill onto my funny bone! (FYI – not so funny!)

5. Mendoza Wine Region, Argentina: after completing a successful bike ride accompanied by wine, I managed to fall over a log, bruising and cutting my shin.

So that’s my list up to this point (and, hopefully, but not likely, my definitive list until I return home!) As you can see, these mishaps did not occur on the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, nor skydiving in New Zealand, and not horseback riding on a farm somewhere. No. I fractured a rib on a supposedly ‘gentle’ whale watching trip; I’ve slipped down numerous, yet insignificant hills; I survived a tipsy bike ride only to trip on a log getting up from the lunch table; and I even rolled down a slope in the Amazon, sustaining a bruised bum from an actual stick up my arse! None of these injuries were really caused by doing anything of any remote adventure. It’s when I let my guard down. I’m pretty sure George has had enough of picking me up from the floor and handing me an alcohol wipe for my grazes at this point! Every time something else happens, I say “no more!” And then tomorrow comes and, behold, there’s another bump in the road ready to send my flying!

I have figured out the predominant issue that many of my injuries have in common: I have no grace in falling! When I go, I go down hard and, thus, injure myself pretty bad each time. Sometimes I wonder if it’s God’s little joke: sure, He watches out for me on the big things but ‘hmm.. I wonder if she’ll see that log laying there?’

Honestly, I’ve had enough! I’m fed up of having legs with bruises to rival a ten-year-old boy’s! I’m done with the humiliating, graceless falls in front of groups of strangers (and, despite what my mum has been trying to teach me for years, falling in front of a man is no way to gain his affection! – although, evidently, it does point out the true gentlemen who offer their assistance!) All I am asking is, please, no more injuries! I severely hope I am not tempting fate in writing this!

But, anyway, none of these mishaps have dampened my spirit! It’s going to take more than some cuts and bruises to stop me adventuring further! But, in the meantime, if you could all pray for my wellbeing – that’d be a big help! Thanks.

Danielle x

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